Thursday, July 31, 2014

I've Moved

Greetings!

Okay, I have a new blog. And I'm going to post the address here for a bit.

Ready?

Without Apology

So there it is. I'll leave this up for awhile. I don't mind if YOU people read my blog. What made me uncomfortable was people being able to google me and find my blog. You can't do that with my new one. But right now I don't think anyone is looking for me so I don't mind keeping this here for a bit.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Closing up shop

Okay. I am taking a real hiatus from blogging publicly. As in, I'm just not going to anymore. If you want to follow my blog you can shoot me your email address (lifeonthectrain@gmail.com) and I'll give you access (maybe!).

There is no precipating event that led to this decision. Just a shift in direction that I am happy about. And a tip of the hat to the BDF (best dude friend).

I'll leave this post up for a few days.

"You must be your own bad-ass self, without apology."

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Saturday morning musings

So, the CLI (Current Love Interest) is now an FLI (Former Love Interest). That intensely fun flirtation lasted approximately 96 hours and has left me more confused than usual, which is saying something.

But as I get older I'm learning to really just let things go. I can't control anyone but myself. I'm also learning to be more comfortable with who I am. I kind of go back and forth with this whole idea that you need to be somewhat strategic with a love interest, versus just being who you are. Ultimately, who I am wins out. And my hope is that one day, I will find someone who just really digs who I am.

But one day... doesn't need to be today. Or tomorrow. I am not looking because it's not a priority for me. Now, if things happen, like they did in Nashville? I'm totally game. But otherwise I'm focused on enjoying these last three years with Sarah at home. Even if I did meet someone amazing and fall in love, I'm on lock-down for three years. There will be no major life changes for me.

I had a really great thing happen at work yesterday and realized there was really no one to tell or celebrate with. Moments like that are when I feel lonely. So, I took myself out to dinner and to a movie. And then sat outside downtown and had another glass of wine under a beautiful full moon and felt very grateful for all of the good in my life.

Oh, and I cancelled my Mammoth trip. There were a lot of reasons for that. For one, I've been pretty sick for a solid week which is so fucking annoying. Secondly, the aforementioned work thing was at a point that I didn't think it would be a good idea to be lost in the mountains for three days. And the now-FLI had something to do with it too. There was something about that connection that made me realize I just wasn't in a place where I wanted a super casual meaningless fling over a weekend, which is what Mammoth would have been.

It's hard to explain that part. It wasn't - oh I've met this great guy so I'm going to stop the world. I made the decision I don't know - 3 days after meeting him? Not enough time to make any big decisions for him, you know? But I just realized that I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go do that. I knew I would come home and have a little bit of a casual fling hangover and I didn't want to do that to myself. I need to take better care of myself that way. Better care of my heart, which gets involved even when I don't want it to.

On top of the world
I'm really, really glad I didn't go. It was the right thing for me to do.

I'm missing Sarah something fierce. She has been gone for two weeks today. I've been incredibly busy up to this point which has been helpful. She is having an absolutely incredible time down under. We text every day. She sends me lots of pictures. I am just thrilled down to my core she is getting to have this experience. And? A little bit jealous.


Saturday, July 5, 2014

Ribeyes and connections

A text exchange wherein the CLI (Current Love Interest) and I discuss what I have chosen to cook myself for dinner.

Me: Went ribeye
Him: Ahhhh, my favorite cut
Me: Mine too. Of course. (the "of course" is because we seem to have everything in common. Except tea. He likes sweet tea. I do not.)
Me: The fattier the better (No lean meat for this girl)
Him: Omg...yes, yes, yes
Him: Where have you been Clare?
Him: As in, why did it take like 40 years for you to appear?

I love that a ribeye selection - - - > Where have you been all my life? Clearly we are going to get along.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

kisses

So, I was in Nashville this week. Staying at the same hotel where I stayed with Boston in the fall, going the same places etc. and that sort of made me sad.

Until I ended up making out with someone in the elevator. And I'm talking.... swoon-worthy, knee-buckling, this dude knows how to KISS A GIRL making out. Sweet Jesus. I'm still sort of swoony.

I like how things work out sometimes.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

34,000 feet

Sarah is currently traveling at 610 mph 34,000 miles up on her way to Brisbane, where she will land in approximately 3 hours and 33 minutes. Not that I'm like, stalking her flight or anything on one of those flight trackers.

From Brisbane she'll hop on another flight to Perth where she will land six hours later and begin what I am certain will be a fabulous adventure.

I was out with a group of people last night and every now and then, before, you know, I had enough alcohol in my system to be completely numb, I'd well up with tears. And the comments were generally things like, oh she'll be fine, don't worry!

She will be fine. I'm not worried about that, actually. As I explained to the table, I just miss her because I like her. She is my favorite person. She is who I want to be with. I am almost unbearably excited for her. The more we've learned the better this whole gig has become. I think, in five weeks, she is going to be sad to leave there, even though she will be happy to come home. But I already miss her. So much. Because she is fucking awesome. She just is. Ask anyone who knows her. And when you are lucky enough to be able to hang out with awesome people? You miss them when they aren't around. I miss her. I will miss her every day for the next five weeks. That is why I am emotional about this.

Getting prepped for this trip has provided us with a lot of really great time together though. She wanted to be busy yesterday before she left in the evening so, we were. We hit the ground running at about 8 a.m. and didn't pause for once second before getting to the airport at 6 p.m. It was really really fun. The biggest time killer was getting her hair cut and colored. I made her an appointment at my salon. I don't usually do that because I refuse to spend that much on the hair of a teenager (I was 30 before I started really spending money on mine) but this was a special occasion. Well holy shit. She looked AMAZING and she also looked twenty. Just wow.

In other big Sarah-related news? She is going to a different high school next year. A HUGE decision when you are fifteen and heading into your sophomore year. And it's funny. I feel certain this is my influence on her but, it just wasn't that big of a deal. We talked about it one day. I got it. Totally got why she wanted to make the change. And within a week, it was done. I had gathered up paperwork, communicated with various people and that was that. Even better? She was accepted onto the dance team at the new high school. Which is very very competitive and a big deal there. To say we were excited would be the understatement of the year.

So, here I am. There is plenty going on with me outside of Sarah's stuff but I really don't know where to start so will save it for a later post. Nothing enormous to report, just some subtle shifts. Slight changes of direction that I'm still working on, really. I leave for Mammoth a week from Wednesday. I am really, really looking forward to clearing my head there. I booked that trip very spontaneously and I am so so glad that I did. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

... is anybody out there?

Hi!

I'm back from my longest blogging break of all time.

This isn't a real post, just an open my eyes, stretch, and look around post.

Much has happened. All is well. I'll write this weekend, probably Sunday. Sarah leaves for Australia Saturday night and I'll get back to you after that.

Just so you know? I've missed you.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Going dark for a bit

Kind of not as into blogging lately and...the job thing. All that is still going on. Feeling good about it. Don't want to mess it up by having a blog. This blog shouldn't matter because as I've said before, I never reference my company name etc. but...I can't seem to untie this from my name, even though my last name doesn't show up anywhere here. But Google my full name and here is where you will land.

Life is good. Vegas was all kinds of fun, as it always is for me. I am always with fun people, which is why I always have such a great time there. This was no different. I did not, this time, fall in love. But I did meet and hang out with some awesome people. And I laughed, a lot. And I'm still laughing, really. One of the funny things: A group of us were sitting on our balcony (my friend and I had a great room with a big balcony) and I was looking out and said, "What is that light over ther-OH MY GOD THAT'S THE SUN RISING I HAVE TO GO TO BED RIGHT THIS SECOND!" I had no idea I had been up all night. I did go to bed right that second. But yeah. At 42? Pulled an all-nighter in Vegas. Also? Felt great cruising around in my bikini. Thank you Whole30.

Life is also busy busy busy. Lots of (too many) plans this week. Two 6:20 a.m. flights next week which I am just, frankly, dreading. Even though one is related to said job thing. Sarah wraps up her freshman year of high school on Thursday. What?! It went just as quickly as I expected it to and the next three years will be no different.

So there you have it and there I will leave it for a week or so at least. Will leave this post up for a few before I lock it all down.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Things are clicking

Suddenly, and it does indeed feel sudden, I feel as if I have turned some corner. And I like the new view.

Things are just happening. Like I somehow knew they would. Things are happening on the job front that I am pretty excited about. Still a long way to go there but...things are happening.

Tonight I see Sarah dance with her team for the last time. It is bittersweet. She has been on the team five years. It has been an incredibly positive experience for both her and me and I'm so glad she did it. But it's time for her to shift focus.

We've been communicating with her host family in Australia and it just couldn't be any better! Sarah and Hayley are like two peas in a pod as best as I can tell and I think she's about to make a lifelong friend.

I am going, with a girlfriend, on an all expenses paid weekend in Vegas next weekend. And that just happened. Yesterday. We are super super excited about it. For all of the fun shit I've done, and there has been a lot of fun shit, I've never had a weekend like this. It's incredibly generous to the point that I don't even know how to accept it. But, we're going. No telling what the weekend will hold. I generally fall in love when I go to Vegas.

And, I booked a trip to California. I need fresh air, and mountains, and starry skies, and hiking and camping and no makeup and no heels and campfires and sleeping bags. So, I'm meeting a friend there and doing that. Kind of like the Vegas trip this happened quickly too. I started thinking about it, decided that was the vacation I wanted this summer, and booked a ticket.

We are pretty much done with Sarah's freshman year in high school. Thinking about the fact I only have three years left with her like brings me insta-tears. Cannot deal AT ALL. I just love and enjoy her so much. We went shopping this morning and we full on shop together now for a lot of stuff. Shoes. T-shirts from J Crew. Shorts too except, well, she's a zero and I'm not a zero. But we have the same ones otherwise.

I'm still doing the Whole30, mostly. And my body feels and looks like my body again which makes me happy. And it was just so easy. A couple of weeks. I'd still like to maybe drop 3 to 5 more lbs but don't really care either way. I'm happy enough with this 42-year-old body. I feel really, really good.

So, there you have it. It's all good! Oh, things are also all good with Boston. I may see him in June. If not June then probably July. That relationship is in its proper place in my life, which needed to happen. I like him, a lot. But he doesn't give/communicate/whatever enough for me to put my life on any kind of hold for him. And if I am honest with myself, I was doing that for awhile. Because that's just how/who I am. But not now. So, I am looking forward to seeing him and we'll just see what unfolds over time, if anything.

Okay, kind of a boring post, just wanting to capture the time, really.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Sometimes? We need our horoscope

So, I just wrote this very satisfying post on the frustrations I am feeling related to my ex-husband. And I posted it. And I felt better for doing it.

And then? I saw this. And I took it down.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Offline for bit

Sorry for disappearing on you unannounced! My job hunt is heating up and I figure my name will be googled and while I don't write about anything inflammatory here or ever really talk about work or name my company etc...it just seems wise to go offline for a little bit.

I'll leave this post up today at least. Then I'll disappear again soon but of course will be back.


Monday, May 12, 2014

A letter to me/Best Mother's Day Ever

This happened today. Along with a really beautiful pair of Kendra Scott earrings. 

Dear Moma,

Happy Mother's Day! My schedule is so busy, and your life is hectic that I never get to tell you how much I appreciate everything you do. You go above and beyond what any kid expects their mom to do.

You shuttle me and my friends around, pack my lunch, cook me eggs, take me shopping, drive me to competitions, and even put away my dishes, and yet you ask for nothing in return. 

I've never met a better person in my life and never will. 

You never get mad at me and yell at me even when you probably should. You're the reason I'm not a crazy out-of-control teenager. 

You've never doubted me and are always there to catch me when I fall. Thank you. If there's another galaxy past this one, that's how much I love you.

I'm so happy that we can laugh with each other and find the humor in things. "Yes we know" "soooo cute." How many moms can say they have inside jokes with their daughters? Not many. 

I hope you have the best day ever!! I love you! (If you're not crying this isn't a good note)

love, 
       Sarah

I really, really, really love my daughter. She didn't need to write me a note like that, but she did. Because she loves me. And that reduces me to a puddle of sweetly salty tears.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Still nothing, really

I think I write to discover what I feel.

So last night I caught up with one of my sorority sisters and it was just so so great. Yes, I was in a sorority. I was actually the president of my sorority as a junior. And really not by choice, they slated me and that was that. Anyway, I have seen her one time in twenty-five years before last night but it was like we were still sitting in each others dorm room gabbing. It made me very happy. I also adored her boyfriend, and loved their story, and I feel pretty sure it won't be another ten years before we catch up again.

In other news, my daughter is gorgeous. Good lord. No point to that comment, just, you know, she is. Weekends are now filled with teenagers lounging by the pool and I love it. Kids come and go all day.

And of course, tomorrow is Mother's Day. Not my favorite. I think of my friend Stephanie, who won't be holding her baby tomorrow. And will be subjected to so many reminders that she can't mother her baby.

I think at the root of my dislike for the holiday is the gratefulness I feel that I do get to hold my daughter, the awareness that that is a gift. I probably write the same thing every year. But I am grateful. Profoundly grateful for Sarah. So the idea of celebrating me strikes me as ridiculous. Not that I don't appreciate, very much, the fact that Sarah does honor me on this day, or the fact that she wants to honor me on this day. That means a whole hell of a lot to me. But I wish this day were quieter. I wish we would all just quietly take a moment to say thank you to the ones who raised us, some of whom didn't give birth to us.

Okay, that's enough rambling from me today.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Nothing, really

This is definitely a midlife crisis. I bought a food processor. I'm officially out of control in the kitchen. The good news? Sarah loves all the stuff I'm cooking. I made her some Italian sausage eggplant thing last night. Loves it.

I don't know how long this will last but if I'm going to go off the deep end, I suppose the kitchen is a good place to do it. We are eating so well, and so healthy. And? I lost seven pounds in ten days. What?! I know. You are absolutely positively not supposed to weigh on this Whole30 deal but I do. I can keep the scale in perspective. I was up a bit this morning, but I had dinner at 9:30 last night. That's not weight gain, that's just a timing issue. I get it.

We are dangerously near to being done with Sarah's freshman year in high school. Holy shit. That's all I have to say about that.

So guess who was in town this week? Elsewhere! Remember him? He gave me a hickey in the fall. No hickey this time. He was in on a particularly busy night for me and Sarah so I just had him come over and I cooked (shocking, right?) some ribeyes. It was good to see him and catch up. And he was a good sport about just hanging out as I ran to the studio to get Sarah. You know what was cool about it? I had forgotten that he had met her once, when she was five. So when I introduced him to her, he mentioned that and gave her a little grief she didn't remember him. It was cute. And he commented later that it was kind of wild to see her in person, after meeting her when she was five, then seeing all of my posts on Facebook about her...there she was in the flesh. I liked it. I think she's pretty cool.

And she was good with him, and it's the first time I've seen her be friendly to any guy I've brought around in a long time. I think it's just because she knew he's from elsewhere and I'm not dating him etc.

So lately I've kind of been on this - yeah not in the cards for me - about the whole romance thing. And without fail, everyone says, without hesitation, that I'm wrong and it will definitely happen for me. So, I guess that's nice? But I'm unclear on where it's coming from. Keep in mind I have been single for THIRTEEN YEARS. I mean, I've been out there, Internet. Of course the BDF explained it in hockey terms for me:  You're a really good hockey team. You have the puck a lot. You generate a ton of shots on net. You're bound to score eventually no matter how many shots the other team blocks. It's inevitable. You just need to play what is called "high event" hockey. You need to generate lots of scoring chances. That way you wear down the other team until they eventually concede. Perseverance is the key.

Of course the problem with that is that no part of me wants to play high event hockey right now. I just want to cook. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

For Stephanie



I listen to this song and I think of my friend Stephanie and I just cry. And cry. And cry.

My friend Steph is an amazing human being who has gone through something so indescribably painful and has handled it with such incredible honesty and grace. And right now, I think all she and her husband can do, is keep breathing. And they are. Because we, as human beings, have strengths we don't know about until we have to call upon those strengths.

I've tried to send up prayers for her and I can't. Because there are not words to use in situations like this one. Sometimes, I don't like words. They are trite. Every single one of them. So I look to heaven and I just weep. And I know, without a doubt, God knows the prayer in my heart.

I am grieving with my friend.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

No longer dead

This is a true story. I went to sleep at 9:30 last night. Yes. 9:30. On a Friday night. Sarah had friends over and wanted me to take them here and there and for once I said no (an under-used word in my vocabulary) and just checked out for the night.

Woke up at 6 a.m. and seriously feel like a new person today. Which is an f'ing relief people. I was at Whole Foods by 9 a.m. and by noon I had created this thing of beauty: Pad Thai. Sweet Jesus it's yum. With the added bonus that I feel ridiculously cool for having cooked it. I mean, spaghetti squash? Never before!

So, right. I don't recognize myself at the moment but whatever. I feel really good and I'm having fun. 

Speaking of not recognizing myself, and this may sound really random to you, Internet, but a strange thing happened last night. I woke up on the other side of the bed.

So what? says you. You moved over in your sleep! What's the big deal?

Well the big deal is that I have never, ever done that before. Keep in mind I've been single for oh, thirteen years now. Granted, Sarah was in my bed for way too many of those but still. I sleep alone. I don't move. Ever. And then I woke up this morning super confused.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN, INTERNET?

I mean good God. I'm cooking all the time. I'm drinking my coffee black (may not have mentioned that one). I'm sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. I have absolutely zero interest in dating. Is this my version of a mid-life crisis? I kind of hope so because I can handle this.

I am cursing Jeff the trainer because my quads are so sore, even after way too many Motrin and a good soak in the hot tub, that I avoid stairs as much as possible. This is Day 2 of this lovely pain. And, about to throw on my cowboy boots and head out into the hill country for a party. Not much I like more than a Texas ranch. Maybe one day...

So, really, I just needed to write again today because when I wrote last night I was basically dead. Seriously. But today is a new day. No longer dead.

Friday, May 2, 2014

The week in review

This has been a good week.

On Monday I drove out to see a client and ended up having a three-hour lunch with someone who forevermore will be more of a friend than a client. Work for the win!

This was the best text I got all week: "You're no catch and release. We could actually be friends." Made me laugh, but a real compliment from the sender.

I have been an absolute madwoman in the kitchen and I've loved it. I told you last post that my goal was boredom. And sorry, took that post down because the stuff I talked about at the end of the post I just really don't want to talk about so I need to delete that then I'll put it back. Anyway, I sort of accomplished that. I had a work social function Tuesday night and I did go out last night, but it was perfect and not exhausting. Met up with my grad school friends for a bit then met a guy out for a drink. But mostly I've been home, and cooking.

The cooking is inspired by the Whole30 "diet" that I'm doing. You've probably heard about it because suddenly this week it seems to be everywhere. Anyway, it's no: Grains of any kind, Dairy, Beans or Legumes, Sugars, or Alcohol for thirty days. My friend Amy did it and looked so great she inspired me. So, to eat that way? Ya gotta cook. But dang we have eaten really well this week. Pork carnitas and meatballs and steak, awesome salads, sauteed veggies, baked sweet potatoes, you name it. Little egg "muffins" with ground beef and spinach and green onions with a side of berries for breakfast. Sarah is doing this with me and she's actually really enjoying it too. And I just love to cook. It makes me happy to create things in the kitchen.

I did have a glass of wine last night so obviously I'm not following 100% but that was my only "cheat" in six days. But with my work people and with my grad school people I just had club soda and it wasn't a big deal. I only had the glass of wine to accommodate my friend who was convinced that he was cuter if I had something to drink. Strangely, I haven't missed any of the foods I've given up. Thinking my body needed a little break from crap.

They command you not to get on the scale but I have. Every day. And my body is definitely responding to this because the scale is going down, every day. I don't expect that to continue. I think I'll likely plateau here soon and then probably see some ups and downs but I'm fine with that. It has been very encouraging to see that number go down. I managed to put on about ten lbs last summer and I've just not focused on getting it off. Then I made it one of my Hussey goals to get it off, so did focus...for awhile. But now that I've got this great jump start, I can still make my retreat goal which is to lose that weight by June 10. So all good!

So, I've been home more this week but also got a little bit of a social fix in, and I've been good to my body. The only negative side effect I've had to really changing my diet is that I have been absolutely exhausted for the last two days, which they claim is normal at this point in. Not sure I've ever been happier for a Friday night. And the exhaustion is why this post is kind of dull. Yet I felt like writing it. So, sorry about your luck.

No travel for me for a bit as I report in for jury duty Monday morning at 7:30 a.m. I consider having to be dressed and somewhere at 7:30 in the morning cruel and unusual punishment, by the way. I have, however, a trip planned for July which will require me to spend significant amounts of time in a bikini so I'm really hoping I can stick with this eating plan.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

A time of empty waiting

So you need to go read the post I just wrote like ten minutes ago, and then read this, which I read right after I hit publish on the last post.

Learning to Wait In the Dark

"Between the great dramas of life, there is almost always a time of empty waiting - - with nothing to do and no church service to help - - a time when it is necessary to come up with your own words and see how they sound with no other sounds to cover them up."

Somehow, it makes sense, all of that, to me. Maybe this is a time in my life where I'm meant to come up with my own words. There's just something about that that resonates with me.

"If you are willing to rest in this Sabbath, where you cannot see your hand in front of your face and none of your self-protective labors can do you one bit of good, then you may come as close to the Christ as you will ever get - there in that quiet cave where you wait to see how the Maker of All Life will choose to come to you in the dark."

Amen.

Inspired or bust

Another Easter weekend in the books. I love Easter. Easter is my Christmas. I don't so much love Christmas because it is just too much. Too much. But Easter? I can do on my terms. And also? Easter is springtime and flowers and pinks and yellows and the lightest of greens. It's joyful and music and celebration. It's bunnies. I mean come on. It's bunnies!

Easter is just the best. This year I decided to have a party. I brought in a ton of bbq, hid over 300 eggs, and... I'm tired tonight. It was fun but I felt very very single this weekend. It was a lot of work. I enjoyed it and I love my people so very much but I think I'll scale it back down next year. I was working too hard to enjoy everything as much as I would have liked to. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but I did all of this work before the party. Made sure everything was just right during the party. Woke up, did brunch with the fam (which was awesome) and then came home and cleaned up from the party. And it was just me. No one to say - hey, that was awesome. You're awesome for doing that whole thing by yourself. Okay wait. Liz (the ever fabulous Liz) actually wrote me a great note thanking me that made me happy. So, here I am thanking Liz for thanking me. I guess that's weird. But I appreciated it!

Sometimes I wish I didn't want that affirmation. And I don't always want that, really. But I guess this weekend I did and I just felt lonely as I cleaned up today. And I'm telling you, I almost never feel lonely. That isn't a feeling I am familiar with. But it was a very specific lonely. A lonely that could only be banished by someone who loved me. So.... it ain't gonna be banished.

And I'm back around to thinking that kind of love just isn't in the cards for me. I just don't even have it in me anymore to do this whole damn thing. And dear God if one more person says to me - it's when you're not looking that it happens - ? Someone will lose an eye. Or something. You think I'm kidding. But that statement, my friends? Is utter bullshit. Not that it never happens like that because of course it can. But if that were true? I would have been happily ensconced in a warm relationship for a long time now.

I have various mild flirtations going on right now but I'm just generally uninspired. I want inspired or bust, Internet.

In other news, someone turned fifteen this week. A big smile just spread across my face. I am so so so enjoying my incredible teenager. She just makes me happy. I am insanely proud of her. And fifteen. Whoa. I mean you guys... we made it through twelve. And thirteen. And fourteen. Holy shit! I mean I am actually doing this. I am raising a person. And she's awesome. That's just thrilling.

We are both so excited for her Australian adventure this summer. Sadly, we couldn't make both camp and Australia work. The trip ended up being about two weeks earlier than what we were originally told. But, she took that decision totally in stride and will go back to camp in 2015 for her final year. And I am so very glad I will have her in June now.

Lots of other thoughts rolling around in my head. Not sure why I'm not blogging more since I do find it helpful to get the thoughts out of my busy head and settled here. I think mostly I'm kind of thinking I need to come to terms with the idea that this might be it for me. It is very possible I will be single for the rest of my life. And if that is true, what do I want that to look like? And how will I make sure that even though I'm single, I'm not alone? I'm doing that just fine right now but things will change. Sarah will go to college. I can't go with her. My parents are getting older. My friends are for the most part coupled up and happy. Although that said my friends rule. They are coupled up and happy but they are also social and fun and include me and I value those friendships so much. I was with two happy couples just tonight and as usual, I didn't feel like the fifth wheel that of course I was.

On that note I am going to bed. Goodnight, Internet.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Settling

It happened again the other day. A firm admonition against settling.

I go back and forth on this idea of "settling" because ultimately we all settle in one way or another I think. But every now and then I need to hear what I heard the other day. Don't settle, because you don't need to.

And that's true. I don't need to. But it's because I am happy as is. So why would I settle? I only want to be with someone who adds to my life. I want to be with someone who will invest in me as much as I'll invest in him.

I also need to hear that message from people like the one I heard it from recently. Smart. Insightful. Someone I respect. Like when the former CEO of my company told me not to settle. That's when I really hear it.

So, Internet, I'm not going to settle. I want certain things from someone. And I'll get them. Maybe not this year and maybe not next, but eventually I'll find what I'm looking for. And I'll keep having a lot of fun looking.