Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day

I've never been a lover or a hater of this holiday that people can feel so strongly about.  I appreciate any opportunity to get flowers or affection, but I don't get all annoyed when this day rolls around and there is no one in my life to do the obligatory Valentine's Day deal.

Last year I was very single but had a dinner reservation (made the reservation before a break up) so went with one of my good friend's boyfriends (good friend was out of town and approved of our dining together).  It was a great Valentine's Day.  This year I am very single but got a dozen roses anyway and am going out for a nice dinner.  I suppose it's nice to be courted.

But I have to say, I'm not in the mood for romance.  I just don't have time for it.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I've got a lot to do right now.  I can't even seem to find the time to give my relationship with Big any serious thought and that really isn't fair. And no, nothing has changed much there.  We spend time together.  He is wonderful and sweet and now sends me flowers and acknowledges things like Valentine's Day...which is a first in the nine years I've known him.

And I'm sitting on the fence and tending to the other areas of my life like talking to my daughter about her boyfriend, and signing her up for middle school classes, and going to dance competitions and working really hard to keep up with this job that has become much more consuming in 2010, and feeling kind of sad that I haven't seen any of my girlfriends in awhile.  And sometimes thinking about the fact I need to be thinking about Big.

It makes me wonder...because of course I do have time for whatever I want to make time for.  So what does it mean that I don't want to make time to even think about that part of my life?   I honestly don't feel like I'm missing anything.  So maybe I just don't need it at this time in my life.  I am the first one to admit that I love some good, flattering male attention but I get that.  Maybe that's all I need right now.

I've also noticed a very strong correlation between how I feel about my job situation and how needy I am for a relationship, or romance, or whatever it is.  I am totally enjoying my job, I've got way too much to do, I am very happy with the company I work for and how they treat me....my job just might be a good enough lover right now.  Maybe I should stay in and work tonight and romance my job.

Nah...Uchi calls.

1 comment:

  1. I really, really like this (and yes, I read the follow-up today and I'm glad you got the romance treatment anyway--because who wouldn't adore THAT?). To be in a place of not needing romance, to not be empty without it, to not be longing for it ...that place sounds like a contented place. A grown-up place. A place where things in your life are balanced. That's a good place.

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