And for the record? Because every now and then I have to acknowledge this? No, I don't think you really care about the things I'm thinking about. Which is why you are not compelled to read my drivel.
But. Here's what I'm thinking about.
I got appointment confirmations for my mammogram follow up next week. Right. Plural. Confirmations.
So, I call, because I'm not sure if I am supposed to be there at 1:20? Or 1:45, or why I got two. The answer is both. It's another mammogram at 1:20, followed by an ultrasound at 1:45.
Then I decided to get a bit unnerved by that. Then I went to the A-team. Who have both gone through this. And both of them told me this is standard. And then I felt much better. And then I felt all grateful for my friends. Because of course the one who lives in town offered to a) go with me to the appointment or b) meet me for a margarita after or c) do both. Love.
The thing is? I'm still totally aware that the odds are great that this is nothing. There is the easy, rational part of me that's cool about it. But this two week delay has sort of messed me up. I think too much as it is. Don't give me two weeks to worry about breast cancer, unnecessarily most likely. That's just mean. It makes my already over-active brain go a little too far. I keep wondering things like: Am I in some last days of peace before some shit storm hits me? That's the weird shit my brain thinks about. Every now and then I stop and wonder. Is this going to be a time I look back on and say - Yeah. That's right before everything changed.
And all of that crazy is why I just need to have these damn appointments, get the all clear, and get on with things without this dark cloud tagging along behind me. So I can look back and say - Whew. Yeah. Overreacted. It's all fine.
I can't wait to write about that. Next week.
So, there's that.
And now I'm too tired to write about anything else and I'm going to sleep.
Sleep tight, Internet.